I did say that I was thinking of making Shoot From The Hip more than just a wrestling-themed blog, and I am making good on that promise with this being the 2nd straight blog I have done with something totally out of the blue. I am an Aspie. My mind usually focuses on things that do tend to get to me at times, my tastes are random as is my interests (hence the original intent of the blog). Even moreso, I do have social cues that tend to not be there at times. I can have feelings, emotions, and even can tell when someone is not themselves. But when it comes to myself and picking up on reaction with me, towards me…it is something that to this day I struggle with and do not know if others are true or hiding behind that proverbial “mask” as one might call it.
The reason I bring this up in today’s blog? Something happened today that just made me scratch my head, and left me befuddled. For the first time in 4 and a 1/2 years…I ran into my grandfather before I started my shift at work. And the old man spoke to me. I bring this up because obviously, there is history to WHY there is a lack of verbiage with him. So, allow me to dig deep into the archives and explain the situation at hand.
My grandfather is very stubborn, very nasty. He is not what one would call a nice person, and has excessive baggage. Too much to explain on here. But about 10 years ago, he remarried after being with them for 17 years-plus, and basically pushed his own flesh and blood family out of the picture. No matter how much this was brought to his attention, there was NO realization by him for the wrong and for the hurt it caused. And when it came to holidays, we were left out of the picture. Once I graduated from college and Father’s Day 2010 rolled around, you guessed it…where was his own flesh and blood in the picture? Didn’t show up to see me graduate, didn’t spend time with the daughter he gave birth to on Father’s Day…nothing. Mom was pissed, and rightfully so…as am I because of my strong family stance. A war of words broke out that night and I stood up for what I believed in, and was made to feel wrong for doing so. He would get pissed when I took his change in the drive thru, even go as far as THROWING his change at me instead of handing it! And let’s no go there with just getting his coffee and staring me down like a hawk, evil eye and everything.
But flash forward to this morning, he just ran right into me, dead-on. Said hi to me, and even (brace yourselves)…had a civil conversation with me! Was I receptive? To an extent, yes. I didn’t blow him off, I didn’t tell him to shove it up his ass, I spoke to him for a few minutes. But the big question is…how do I feel? I really don’t know on the subject. Running into him, fine. Speaking to him? Sure, it’s ok. But after all the bullshit he has caused my family, specifically his daughter…my mother…do I take it as a grain of salt? I truly had trouble telling if he was really trying to be kind and put it behind him, or if he was putting on a dog and pony show just because he ran into me. It is moments like these where I don’t know how genuine one is, and the emotions are hard to pick up on from one person. I don’t know, I truly just don’t…know.