This is my pipe bomb, my Hard Times, my peace of mind. A journey to the center of the craziness that is LR if ya willlll…..sweet mercy, even when I try to talk normal, it feels like a wrestling promo….I watch it too much!
There is a lot of things in the past several months that I have came to realize. 29 years it took for me to see the light. When you think you have seen it all, heard it all, there is always a different truth that shows when you least expect it. Life as we know it, tends to show us true colors, hidden agendas, and deal us swords. Some of them two-edged. The world is a sword, waiting to stab, waiting to be swung. One thing I wonder about life….people who try to preach the good word, claim kindness is the answer (no, this isn’t me folks, I am a kind person, have my quirks, but keep best interests at heart), but don’t deliver the kindness in return? How can one be all about positivity, when the reaction is borderline curmudgeon then? Two-edged sword! When people in this life ask for you to turn it up to 11, but yet still don’t hear that one louder, a foot away, is it because they can’t? Or is it the selective hearing process all together, choosing not to or whom they hear? And turning words into negativity? Two-edged sword!
Having struggled most of my life, learning disabilities have made things impossible for me to notice. Very little comes my way, but I have taken everything in stride….is that wrong? Having Tourettes, I my mind sometimes swears up a storm for no reason, or even causes me to have neck tics, eye tics, facial tics….is that wrong? Having Aspergers, a form of the Autism spectrum, brings me to certain focuses.
When I zoom in, oh lord, do I zoom the fuck in. My mind is one-track, my focus is on one thing, one goal…to get something accomplished (or the occasional in-depth music review or pro wrestling history, that’s for another time lol). Sometimes I focus too much, that I lose notice of my surroundings, but is that wrong?
People giving me death glances because my focus is on what is in front of me, a huge part of the two-edged sword deal. Being an Aspie has its good sides, like that focus, but the bad side being losing focus and being stared at with the death glare. When you struggle to learn, reach out for help, answers, etc., and nobody wants to lend that helping hand, the answers never there when needed for you, but for others in plain sight….is that wrong?
And don’t get me started on people in this world talking to you like you are stupider than they are just because I might forget something or am not up to speed on something. I might have a form of Autism, but please, for the love of God, I am not in any way, shape, or form, stupid, dumb, lower than you on the totem pole, or even the “R” word.
I am who I am, and I am me. No ego trips here, no favorites, no gimmicks needed, just good ‘ol LR. I might not be every other 29 year old in life. Maybe I struggle to be where I want to be, maybe life has been a rocky road, but there are two things that I have that I know I can count on the most when I can’t count on anything else (well, three if you count my voice of reason, shout out time…luv ya babe!).
The first thing I can count on, is my faith. Maybe I don’t speak much about it, but I do believe God has his ways. There is a plan for everyone, and a plan for everything. It might take a short time, it might take a while (or in my case, still going in some parts). The other thing I have is my pride. No matter the trials, the tribulations, good times, hard times….my pride is what gets me through all I have encountered. I will never sacrifice who I am to become someone I am not, stick to my guns all situations blazing. Is that wrong? The one side of the blade may say yes, but the other side, my side, will never say that. Never say die, never say quit, never give up.
And if that is wrong, then I am glad I will be right and true to myself.