We all have moments in life we ponder, it is a part of life, and it is a part of growing up and becoming what we all know of as “being an adult”. Nearing 30 and the prime of my life, having Asperger’s I have struggled to find a niche and try to make light of subjects so I could grow as a human being. One thing that has helped me in more ways than one, is this blog in general. Designed as a “shoot” blog, speaking my mind and my opinions on topics, life, subjects, anything really.
One question to ponder, when we love in relationships, but others don’t love or have feeling TO love, do we continue to care and reach out? Is it wrong to do so? Maybe certain people that are in my life don’t love me, or never have, or struggled to try to and weren’t able to reach that plateau, but is it necessary to make one feel wrong for feeling something or trying to? If it isn’t, then it isn’t, it is just something we have to agree to disagree and move on to the next step in life. Maybe people in my life were never in love from the start, or at any point, but another thing to ponder…someone says the 3 magic words for 6 months, is it because they truly do, or are they hiding behind a mask, not to make one feel hurt that they cannot comprehend the feeling one might consider love?
Another question to ponder, what is manipulation in a sense? The skillful handling, or controlling of someone or using someone is the official dictionary definition we are taught. If you tell someone you care about them…is that manipulation? No. If you say to them that you would feel lost if they weren’t in your life…manipulation? For years, we were taught this is okay by society, but according to psychological standards and practices, apparently this is no longer the case or the norm. Apparently, did you know this is considered abusive and manipulative language? You didn’t? Neither did I…this is new news to me, and I watch the news and keep up with current events as much as I can, how did I not see this one??
And to my friends out there reading, apparently don’t ever say that “if we were to not be together, I would feel hurt and broken” either. Same boat as the other brought up. Showing love and saying things that normal people almost always do, is now considered bad by society and makes you seem controlling. Wow…who would have thought that those only just recently with a piece of paper from a University that make you shell out 75 smackarooskis would change society’s way of views, or is it a skewed view only few wish to see?
Another thing to ponder, when you are spending time with someone you care about, are you with them because it’s out of your own free will, or is that manipulation too? Do you enjoy building something strong, do you enjoy having fun with them? OR the big question to ponder, are you there with them…because family sees happiness inside of you? Is it “pressuring” if family knows best and sees a 180 inside of you for the better with someone that does that to you? Because they say how much your life has gotten better because of them…is that “pressure” to stay with someone?
There is always a door to exit, a door to leave. If things are going rough, not going well…just get out. Maybe someone will get emotional if it happens, maybe not, it’s not manipulation if one sheds a tear for something like this, it’s normal for us to do, especially if things seemed strong, and worked out. Words might be said, maybe they won’t. These types of things cause a fight all the time. To quote a country song “There ain’t no good guy, and there ain’t no bad guy. It’s just you and me, and we just disagree”.
And if one is confused over the situation, the next thing to ponder…do we make them hurt more than they are? Do we tell them they have no right to be confused or question things as you don’t love them and never had emotions towards one? No, let them be confused, explain it, and if it still confuses the person, than so be it. Anyone on the Autism spectrum, Aspergers or not, we all have our moments of confusion. And sometimes, maybe emotions are hard for us to understand, or simple things, but it’s not something we attack one for. And if they say something on social media about being confused, and someone comments saying they feel bad or that you can do better…is it right for the other to hate someone for doing that or allowing people to say that? It definitely seems like because of social media, people do tend to take things a lot more seriously and to heart than they would have 10-15 years ago.
Gotta bring this one up as it happened to me the other day too. One of my social media pages was hacked into, someone posted something on a page, it wasn’t me, but I got chewed up for it. Swore up and down, as others got stuff I never said either on their page that I came to find out, and person believed me. I went as far as to change my password and information! THEN, here’s another something to ponder…same person told me to screw off, because a few days later I did comment on something, and then they felt the urge to go off!
Anyone who knows me knows I am a good friend and will always be loyal no matter the situation, one of the best friends people can have. I mean well, and even if I struggle to see something and get confused, I always mean well no matter what. YES, I was hurt and felt crushed by a situation that took place this weekend, and at the time it happened, felt confused too as I truly had feelings, but it is something I am over, and got over quick in the last 24 hours or so. And I can only offer friendship, but it can only go over so much. But being able to talk about things civilly, and calm, are 2 key things in this world we need to do as they call, “be adult”. Blowing up on people for asking questions, accusing others of things they never did, is not adulting in this world, neither is scolding one for confusion and having a hard time understanding the situation. Talking it over, discussing it, and clearing the air so to speak, is adulting though.