I’m lucky to be living right now

I’m lucky to be typing this today.

 

No, really…I’m lucky to be typing this today. Three weeks ago, I might have not seen today. There could have been a possibility that my life might have ended between January 27th, and today. Or even the chance that it might have been on the verge of slowly ending.

 

WHY am I saying this? Well first, let me backtrack to January 26th. 2:35 in the morning.

 

For starters, my kidneys were in a slight amount of pain that morning. But the most pain was closer to my abdomen, more along the lower area. Slightly swollen. It had been like that before, but not as bad as it was that day. Ever. Being that early in the morning, I couldn’t call in to work, as nobody was there until the three openers (myself one of them), arrived. Luckily, it was a short shift that morning & I told myself “I’ll see how it goes after I get out, go from there”. I only had until 12:30 until I had to go to my other job. After getting out, I was fine for a while, but then it started to bother me. and not just a small amount…quite a bit. Taking no chances, I went to urgent care.

 

Arriving there, it was a case of that bothersome swollen lump in that certain area and my kidneys. 45 minutes later, the doctor saw me. Not as much worried about the kidneys (because let’s face it, if you have kidney pains…cranberry juice can help only SOOOOOO much), the doctor saw me and said those words you dread to hear… “Get over to the ER right now”.

 

Inguinal hernia was the diagnosis. Nothing easy to just pop back into place either. Surgery was required, but they waited until the next morning to do so.

 

Now the surgery itself was ridiculous. Anesthesia took quite a while to kick in, and once I was knocked out…I didn’t want to wake up. Oh, I did when I was in recovery…but, I kept drifting between the awake and unconscious zone.

 

My doctor told me some things though, that made me think about life. This hernia problem that I had, was really bad. A nice gash right below my intestine that caused it to drop down and wrap itself around my lower regions (I’m trying to keep this clean peeps). And in the process, it was trying to close up while the intestine had dropped down there. Seal the gap, cause the intestine to shut and lose functions and form a blockage. In other words, had I not gone to get it checked out, things could have been much worse than they originally were, and would have been.

 

I avoided death, and did so by getting it checked when I felt it was too much to handle.

 

The last 3 weeks have been struggles indeed. Almost 2 weeks to not walk hunched over. Walking is at an awkward stance due to my surgery (that swelling in the area that was operated on hurts like a mofo yo, walking straight causes pain still). Normal house stairs take 2 minutes for me to walk up instead of the normal 30 seconds. My normal routines for the moment involve just putting dishes away one at a time and sitting down to fold laundry. Bending down? Yeah, right. That’s taking longer to do due to the healing process…I can’t even bend down to pick my 5 pound dog up, that’s how crazy it is! No bending down, no heavy lifting (surprisingly, my pommie is too much at 5 pounds though, don’t get it).

 

But pretty much, I’m lucky to be typing this today. Still some small pain from recovery, but lucky to be blogging this. If you ever feel anything strange or any sort of pain, don’t wait until the last minute to go to urgent care people, it may be too late before you know it.

Advertisements

Just simple pondering

We all have moments in life we ponder, it is a part of life, and it is a part of growing up and becoming what we all know of as “being an adult”. Nearing 30 and the prime of my life, having Asperger’s I have struggled to find a niche and try to make light of subjects so I could grow as a human being. One thing that has helped me in more ways than one, is this blog in general. Designed as a “shoot” blog, speaking my mind and my opinions on topics, life, subjects, anything really.

One question to ponder, when we love in relationships, but others don’t love or have feeling TO love, do we continue to care and reach out? Is it wrong to do so? Maybe certain people that are in my life don’t love me, or never have, or struggled to try to and weren’t able to reach that plateau, but is it necessary to make one feel wrong for feeling something or trying to? If it isn’t, then it isn’t, it is just something we have to agree to disagree and move on to the next step in life. Maybe people in my life were never in love from the start, or at any point, but another thing to ponder…someone says the 3 magic words for 6 months, is it because they truly do, or are they hiding behind a mask, not to make one feel hurt that they cannot comprehend the feeling one might consider love?

Another question to ponder, what is manipulation in a sense? The skillful handling, or controlling of someone or using someone is the official dictionary definition we are taught. If you tell someone you care about them…is that manipulation? No. If you say to them that you would feel lost if they weren’t in your life…manipulation? For years, we were taught this is okay by society, but according to psychological standards and practices, apparently this is no longer the case or the norm. Apparently, did you know this is considered abusive and manipulative language? You didn’t? Neither did I…this is new news to me, and I watch the news and keep up with current events as much as I can, how did I not see this one??

And to my friends out there reading, apparently don’t ever say that “if we were to not be together, I would feel hurt and broken” either. Same boat as the other brought up. Showing love and saying things that normal people almost always do, is now considered bad by society and makes you seem controlling. Wow…who would have thought that those only just recently with a piece of paper from a University that make you shell out 75 smackarooskis would change society’s way of views, or is it a skewed view only few wish to see?

Another thing to ponder, when you are spending time with someone you care about, are you with them because it’s out of your own free will, or is that manipulation too? Do you enjoy building something strong, do you enjoy having fun with them? OR the big question to ponder, are you there with them…because family sees happiness inside of you? Is it “pressuring” if family knows best and sees a 180 inside of you for the better with someone that does that to you? Because they say how much your life has gotten better because of them…is that “pressure” to stay with someone?

There is always a door to exit, a door to leave. If things are going rough, not going well…just get out. Maybe someone will get emotional if it happens, maybe not, it’s not manipulation if one sheds a tear for something like this, it’s normal for us to do, especially if things seemed strong, and worked out. Words might be said, maybe they won’t. These types of things cause a fight all the time. To quote a country song “There ain’t no good guy, and there ain’t no bad guy. It’s just you and me, and we just disagree”.

And if one is confused over the situation, the next thing to ponder…do we make them hurt more than they are? Do we tell them they have no right to be confused or question things as you don’t love them and never had emotions towards one? No, let them be confused, explain it, and if it still confuses the person, than so be it. Anyone on the Autism spectrum, Aspergers or not, we all have our moments of confusion. And sometimes, maybe emotions are hard for us to understand, or simple things, but it’s not something we attack one for. And if they say something on social media about being confused, and someone comments saying they feel bad or that you can do better…is it right for the other to hate someone for doing that or allowing people to say that? It definitely seems like because of social media, people do tend to take things a lot more seriously and to heart than they would have 10-15 years ago.

Gotta bring this one up as it happened to me the other day too. One of my social media pages was hacked into, someone posted something on a page, it wasn’t me, but I got chewed up for it. Swore up and down, as others got stuff I never said either on their page that I came to find out, and person believed me. I went as far as to change my password and information! THEN, here’s another something to ponder…same person told me to screw off, because a few days later I did comment on something, and then they felt the urge to go off!

Anyone who knows me knows I am a good friend and will always be loyal no matter the situation, one of the best friends people can have. I mean well, and even if I struggle to see something and get confused, I always mean well no matter what. YES, I was hurt and felt crushed by a situation that took place this weekend, and at the time it happened, felt confused too as I truly had feelings, but it is something I am over, and got over quick in the last 24 hours or so. And I can only offer friendship, but it can only go over so much. But being able to talk about things civilly, and calm, are 2 key things in this world we need to do as they call, “be adult”. Blowing up on people for asking questions, accusing others of things they never did, is not adulting in this world, neither is scolding one for confusion and having a hard time understanding the situation. Talking it over, discussing it, and clearing the air so to speak, is adulting though.

Life itself: A 2 edged sword, and pride

This is my pipe bomb, my Hard Times, my peace of mind. A journey to the center of the craziness that is LR if ya willlll…..sweet mercy, even when I try to talk normal, it feels like a wrestling promo….I watch it too much!

There is a lot of things in the past several months that I have came to realize. 29 years it took for me to see the light. When you think you have seen it all, heard it all, there is always a different truth that shows when you least expect it. Life as we know it, tends to show us true colors, hidden agendas, and deal us swords. Some of them two-edged. The world is a sword, waiting to stab, waiting to be swung. One thing I wonder about life….people who try to preach the good word, claim kindness is the answer (no, this isn’t me folks, I am a kind person, have my quirks, but keep best interests at heart), but don’t deliver the kindness in return? How can one be all about positivity, when the reaction is borderline curmudgeon then? Two-edged sword! When people in this life ask for you to turn it up to 11, but yet still don’t hear that one louder, a foot away, is it because they can’t? Or is it the selective hearing process all together, choosing not to or whom they hear? And turning words into negativity? Two-edged sword!

Having struggled most of my life, learning disabilities have made things impossible for me to notice. Very little comes my way, but I have taken everything in stride….is that wrong? Having Tourettes, I my mind sometimes swears up a storm for no reason, or even causes me to have neck tics, eye tics, facial tics….is that wrong? Having Aspergers, a form of the Autism spectrum, brings me to certain focuses.

When I zoom in, oh lord, do I zoom the fuck in. My mind is one-track, my focus is on one thing, one goal…to get something accomplished (or the occasional in-depth music review or pro wrestling history, that’s for another time lol). Sometimes I focus too much, that I lose notice of my surroundings, but is that wrong?

People giving me death glances because my focus is on what is in front of me, a huge part of the two-edged sword deal. Being an Aspie has its good sides, like that focus, but the bad side being losing focus and being stared at with the death glare. When you struggle to learn, reach out for help, answers, etc., and nobody wants to lend that helping hand, the answers never there when needed for you, but for others in plain sight….is that wrong?

And don’t get me started on people in this world talking to you like you are stupider than they are just because I might forget something or am not up to speed on something. I might have a form of Autism, but please, for the love of God, I am not in any way, shape, or form, stupid, dumb, lower than you on the totem pole, or even the “R” word.

I am who I am, and I am me. No ego trips here, no favorites, no gimmicks needed, just good ‘ol LR. I might not be every other 29 year old in life. Maybe I struggle to be where I want to be, maybe life has been a rocky road, but there are two things that I have that I know I can count on the most when I can’t count on anything else (well, three if you count my voice of reason, shout out time…luv ya babe!).

The first thing I can count on, is my faith. Maybe I don’t speak much about it, but I do believe God has his ways. There is a plan for everyone, and a plan for everything. It might take a short time, it might take a while (or in my case, still going in some parts). The other thing I have is my pride. No matter the trials, the tribulations, good times, hard times….my pride is what gets me through all I have encountered. I will never sacrifice who I am to become someone I am not, stick to my guns all situations blazing. Is that wrong? The one side of the blade may say yes, but the other side, my side, will never say that. Never say die, never say quit, never give up.

And if that is wrong, then I am glad I will be right and true to myself.

I don’t read the fine print

A little side note: The views expressed in “Shoot From The Hip” are those from the writer, LR Adams, & nobody else. I speak on how I views it, how I see it, and if you don’t like it…there’s the little “X” on the side of the web browser to exit the tab. If you made it this far, get ready for a glimpse into this mind.

“I don’t read the fine print”

These words were uttered to me today by a customer whose order I had taken…and it sadly expresses how much of society today as a consumer is. We all see the coupon in the newspaper or in the mail…a freebie with the purchase of a product of equal or lesser value. It just so happens that where I am employed, we have these coupons for the Holiday season. Buy a free sandwich, get one free…as long as it isn’t a dollar sandwich.

So back to a story, I took an order, the guy placed his order with his drinks and got his items. Not even 10 seconds later, “WHERE ARE MY HASH BROWNS???”.  In the civil manner I have, I explained to said customer that the coupon he used was only for the sandwiches, it doesn’t include the meal, and his next statement was “I ordered the meal”. So I gave the guy his “extra” for the meal that he wanted that wasn’t included in the coupon (that ow to wow method if you can call it so) & explained that the coupon itself was only for sandwiches and it explained so in the coupon, large print. And the words I have used for the title of THIS blog, were the next words as he walked off.

Now my personal thought, I cannot stand this. Not the first time, and it won’t be the last time either it will happen. Just the other week, someone came in and asked to use his free fry/drink coupon and when asked which one he wanted (as the coupon is for a certain sandwich which is either a chicken or a burger type), he just said he wanted the “Bacon”, the sandwich with “Bacon” in it….ay ay ay. Oy vey. Mingia fach.

Just because a coupon says “free” on it…doesn’t mean it is what you want. There is and always will be some sort of catch. Free large sandwich….excludes dollar menu items. Buy one get one…doesn’t include small drink, small sandwich. People see that one 4-letter “F” word (not my favorite one, but the one that gets that extra one without paying for it), & immediately they go into “It’s for anything” mode! When you explain or try to explain that they need to pay attention to the coupon in its entirety, you get the “Oh” response. The fine print is there for a reason…learn to read it. Sure the font is a 2-size, you might need to squint to see what it is that has to be read, but it is critical to your purchase. It will save you a lot of energy (& time) when you place your order, plus it can also avoid (oh my God…am I saying this….*gasp*) confrontation people!

I know today’s society is all about being in a hurry to get where you need to be, but come on! Slow down, smell the flowers, and look at what the words are before you get angry over a missing hash brown that didn’t come with the purchase!

One year later….

A year ago today, one week after Black Friday 2013, there was a black Friday of my own in my house that tore me apart, and even to this day still does. It was the day one of the most loving, caring pets in my life left me. I had lost dogs before, 6 years prior when my golden Rusty passed in my arms, but last year it was really rough to see Monty pass away.

You see, the backstory…we got Monty from the animal shelter August 2009. A pommie who was full of life. It took him up until I went back to school for my last year of college for him to take a liking to me, but he was a good boy. Whenever he heard fighting among my parents, he would run to me and hide. And oh how he loved to hide! We would find him in the most peculiar spots, burrowing himself in a blanket and making it so his nose poked out from one of the corners. The dog was just funny in his own special way and was full of life. And then within a matter of 6 days, that life just teetered off.

The Sunday before he died, we could tell he wasn’t himself. Going outside to go potty and not doing anything until he came inside, the lack of wanting to do much. There was something wrong and we took him to the vet the next day, had a tumor removed from his ass. The vet told us he had a form of cancer that had gone right to his heart and that he might not make it for another 5-10 days. The next day, he didn’t want to stand up, didn’t want to eat, drink…nothing. He lost control of his bodily functions and needed doggie diapers. From Tuesday until Friday, I only saw him get up once, to run to the kitchen table and just pee away like he normally did when he was upset. And he refused to eat, we had to give him doggie formula in a small bottle, which he drank up, but you could tell he didn’t want to do that.

And then, 365 days ago was the day that put me over the edge. Everyone had to work, and we all were wondering how Monty was going to be. I left at 8:30 that morning and saw him on his favorite pillow, lying there. He had a flash of that smile I loved so much, and he did what I called his doggie laugh, where he smiled and just did something that resembled a laugh. He was going to pull though. I told him to hang in there & that brother would be home soon to give him love…

3 pm arrives. I had to drop something off and then I arrived home & walked in the door. I saw mom bent down near the pillow calling Monty’s name…his tongue hanging out of his mouth, just lying there motionless. He passed between the time I left and the time I got home. I burst into tears, & it was just hard to deal with. That entire weekend I just wanted to be left alone, my heart was crushed into a thousand pieces. It hurt even the most because our black lab kept looking for him and gave me the sad dog eyes because she knew he wasn’t there.

Two days after Monty passed away, we got a puppy named Dante. He is special in his own way, but there will never be another Monty. He was one of a kind. A year later & his death still brings me to tears thinking of him and his last days alive.

The radio industry…wow

So this week marks 4 years for me since I started working in the radio industry. Now, I am not one to toot my own horn when it comes to issues, but TOOT freakin TOOT! After what I experienced today, it makes me wonder.

Now I have had issues at this station in the past, but they are all pretty minor. Heated words with co-hosts over their own miscues and fuck-ups, things not playing when they should, getting told not to pour my own “feelings” into messages left for the program director over issues for certain shows that piss-off the hosts…yep, this one in my opinion, takes the cake.

We have what they call a remote…on-air location that they broadcast from live. Now considering the fact this is an independently-owned station, two channels (AM & FM) in the same building (which looks like a run-down mess), and throw in the fact that you have one person (because let’s face it…the longest-tenured board operator/audio engineer…only other one besides me, quit over their own stupidity) trying to do both channels, it’s going to be a disaster. The AM station had a live show until 12, and it was just finishing up. The FM was in a commercial break, but it ended too soon apparently. We SHOULD have something to let you know its off the air…right?

But wait….there’s more! Doesn’t the station manager call at the stroke of noon and begin to bitch because (a) it was off-air, and (b) his remote host was supposed to be “calling in, but didn’t”?…and that is apparently the fault of yours truly! So let me get this straight…your remotes only have 3 spots per hour…the host did his 3 spots…and you wanted more? Did you bother saying anything about that to either? And then, you proceed to run me down for it? I’m sorry, this is my first remote in over 8 months…you have a new format, it is your job as the station manager to say something to your audio people, let them know what is going on. It is also your job to fill them in on any thing and everything. Do I need to remind you of how you got new computer equipment a month ago and didn’t bother saying anything? There was important stuff on there that I had recorded! Even programs that had to be aired, I had to dig into my email account and redownload them…took 30 minutes to find the files too! And the person who does up your playlists? When I mention that spots are outdated…nothing. Certain days playing a playlist the day or two before? Also mentioned and nada!

Here is a stunning revelation of an idea…hire another board operator. I know you don’t feel like shelling out an extra 9 dollars to someone to push buttons, but when you have a show on one station and a remote on another….don’t tell your board operator that “the remote is more important” than a show that is about to go off the air…especially when your host tells me he is calling in at a certain time…definitely unprofessional this place is at times.

Let the next chapter begin

Well, it finally happened. Two days ago. I was in the middle of running a shift when the supervisor asked to see me. I was thinking “Oh no, I’m in trouble now…what did I do?”. As it turned out, it was just a little more to let me in on some changes going on at work, BIG changes.

In two days, not even 42 hours from now, I will be saying goodbye to the store I have been at for 12-plus years, and moving on to a different store. The emotions have been high since then. I am leaving a store I am familiar with, people I have known since practically forever, and those who have seen me grow up…to a whole new location. A new cast of characters. And a new way of doing things.

I consider it a blessing though. A change in scenery is good, as is a change in pace from the everyday norm. I am going to miss my fellow crew, and my friends I have made there, but the challenge is welcome. The next chapter in my life is about to start, and I am ready to make the most of it. BRING IT ON!!!